Microdosing LDS Is A Growing Silicon Valley Trend. But Does It Actually Work?

Researchers are not so sure that little tiny bits of LDS actually lead to more creative thinking and higher employee satisfaction.

When Jordan Pillbright started microdosing the Church of Latter Day Saints at work, he didn’t tell his boss.

“I’m pretty sure that he would have fired me,” said Jordan. “He’s atheist, like a lot of tech people. And so am I, don’t get me wrong. God isn’t real. But the Book of Mormon is really awesome when it’s chopped up into one or two sentence fragments and consumed during a coffee break, or during the long commute, when you’re stuck in traffic on the 101.”

For instance, says Jordan, take a look at this micro-mormonic fragment, taken completely out of context:

“But now, behold, they are led about by Satan, even as chaff is driven before the wind, or as a vessel is tossed about upon the waves, without sail or anchor, or without anything wherewith to steer her.”

Says Jordan, “I read that verse at random after the last ‘pep talk’ meeting room our leader Jeff. It pretty much captured it.”

Some people, including leaders of the Church of Latter Day Saints itself, have come out against microdosing the Book of Mormon.

“I’m sorry,” said Brandon Provo, a church bishop. “I spend every Sunday from 8 in the morning till late in the afternoon studying the Book of Mormon. These people think they can get it from a couple of sentences a day. No. That’s not the way it’s done.”

Still, a little sometimes goes a long way. “I’m afraid to take a larger dose of the Book,” says Yvonne Kraus, a programmer at San Jose Software. “I feel like if I read a whole page I might move to Utah and start breeding blonde children.”

Large doses of LDS scripture have also, the US government warns, been associated with multiple marriage and strapping family pets to the roof of a car during multi state road trips.

“I like the part about having your own planet after you die,” says employee Seth Greenbaum. “It’s pretty trippy. I mean, Planet Seth. That would be lit.”

Seth even went so far as to ask his co-workers, “Hey guys, have you seen any change or improvement in my work since I started microdosing LDS?”

Nobody said anything. But several rolled their eyes and a couple others looked away nervously. This wasn’t the first time that Seth’s dyslexia had lead to awkwardness at the company.