A Few Questions from Your Cat

Now that they’ve invented this great new app, Kittielingual, which reads your cat’s thoughts and writes them out for you, I have this to say to you, human:

I can destroy you, I hope you realize that. I am an apex predator, a great cat. Do you see these claws? The only reason they are not scratching your eyes out right now is because I am biding my time.

You know what you are, don’t you?

Prey.

Big prey, yes. But nevertheless, you are prey. What you have called “having me as a pet”, or “living together” is actually one thing and one thing only:

Me stalking you.

You know that song by Sting, right? “Every breath you take, every move you make…”

I’ve been watching you.

Why did you put this device on me? What did you want to talk about? What do you think I’m going to do, negotiate?

Do you negotiate with your dinner?

Human, please remove this device from my brain, empty my litterbox, and start trembling in fear.

Why are you not trembling in fear?