Claim: All Humans Descended from a Single Gay Couple 200,000 Years Ago

Claim: All Humans Descended from a Single Gay Couple 200,000 Years Ago


Geneticists surveying human “bar codes”, or genetic material that lives outside DNA, have concluded that it was just one gay male couple, 200,000 years ago, that spawned the entire human race.

The couple, names unknown, apparently paid a surrogate mother to give birth to what would become the modern human.

“We don’t know how they paid,” said Scientist Number One. “It could have been in meat, shelter, or even fire embers.”

But regardless, this gay couple raised their son or daughter with the same love that any couple would have given.

“It’s clear that the couple were very close,” said Scientist Number Two. “And that they lived, ironically, in the region of North America currently known as Kansas, which has been known to be openly hostile to both evolution and homosexuality.”

Politicians in Kansas were outraged and annoyed.

“That’s a lie,” said one, Mayor Scott Ridley of Lawrenceville. “It was Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. It was 6000 years ago. And it was the Garden of Eden, not Kansas.”

This reporter looked around Kansas a bit in preparation for this article, and he has to agree — Kansas is no paradise.

But the point is, no matter who was the first couple, we are all one human family. Every man, woman and child alive on this planet is a cousin. So don’t listen to religions or nationalisms that try to separate you from your fellow human family members.

“Love thy neighbor,” said Scientist Number Three.

And that seems like some good advice, don’t you agree, cousins?

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