Conversations with My Dog #37

ME:  Come here boy.

MAC:  What’s up?

ME:  What’s the difference between a man and an ape?

MAC:  Hmmm, I think there are some genetic differences, no?

ME:  I guess so.  But even if we have some different genes, I mean, aren’t we basically apes?

MAC:  What’s brought this on?

ME:  I went to the zoo.

MAC:  I see.

ME:  And I spent some time looking at the gorillas, the chimps, the orangutans.  The red apes!  The spider monkeys.  I don’t know.  I think we’re basically really big spider monkeys.

MAC:  And what would be the problem with that?  Is it there something wrong with being an animal?

ME:  Not for you.  I mean you’re a dog.  You don’t have that duality, that soul  versus body conflict.  You don’t have that terror of death.  You don’t wonder what it’s all about.  You’re so free.

MAC:  Sometimes I get bored…very bored.  Like right now for instance.

ME:  I know, but it’s not the same.  Your boredom, your issues, whatever they may be, they’re much smaller than my issues. My issues are huge.

MAC:  Oh you got some huge issues alright.

ME:  Sometimes I look in the mirror and I don’t see my feet.  I see two hooves.  Animal hooves.

MAC:  Me, I see paws.

ME:  I was thinking about Charles Darwin.

MAC:  Origen of the Species?

ME:  Not that book specifically.  Just the general idea that we evolved from slime, you know.  And were fish once.  And then we became men.

MAC:  Is that how it went?

ME:  Yeah, yeah, make fun of me.  You love to make fun of me.  And that’s cool.  I love that about you.  You put my problems in perspective.

MAC;  Yeah, are we going to eat soon, by the way?

ME:  Definitely.  Let me get you a steak. 

MAC:  Thank you.

ME:  No, thank you.  I feel a lot better now. But before I grab you that steak from the fridge, just tell me.  I mean take a look at me.  And tell me. 

MAC:  Tell you what?

ME:  Do I look like an ape?

MAC:  Jesus…