Dear Manny the Mansplainer, please mansplain why we need an electoral college.

Dear Manny the Mansplainer, please mansplain why we need an electoral college.

Signed, Confused Coastal Elite Female


Dear Coastal,

OK little lady, this is a little complicated so squeeze your head real hard and try to concentrate.

The Electoral College was invented by George Washington because he was worried about the flyover states not having enough say in the government.

Even back in the day everybody thought the people in the flyover states were inferior, and nobody wanted to include them in deciding who should be our president.

But George went to a flyover state and he said, let’s land the plane here, and see what goes on in these red flyover states.

It wasn’t as bad as he expected.

It turns out, we folks from the flyover states are human too, just like the people in the coastal regions who are educated and believe in science ‘n stuff.

We flyover people believe in science if our car is broken down. We are willing to let science fix it.

But when it comes to the age of the earth, it has to be 6,000 years and that’s that. Little Lady, why else would the Bible tell us that? You’re not implying that the Bible is a liar are you? Didn’t think so.

Anyhow, George liked us people and he thought it a better idea to have the born-agains, rednecks and tough guys like me pick the president instead of those politically correct atheist losers back in the coastal states.

But before we were allowed to vote, the people would of course at least have to be a little educated, so George created this thing called the Electoral College. The people in the flyover states didn’t want to go to this college.

“We want to do manly work,” we said. “With our hands. We don’t want to be pansy college boys.”

But George convinced us to at least go to Electoral College for a day or two to learn how to write our names and put them on the ballot. I mean, we didn’t have to become sissies, but we did learn the basics of how government works and civics. What we didn’t learn was that politically correct bullshit about communism and all-gender bathrooms they teach in liberal colleges where people get those “liberal arts” degrees and learn how to hate America and disrespect the flag.

And that’s why we have the Electoral College today, so that the real men get to pick the president, not the wimpie intellectuals. It’s best that weakling liberals and SJW people be given as little representation as possible with regard to the President.

It’s the same principle as the Senate. I could explain to you why one-eighth of the population gets to pick seven-eighth of the Senate. I know it doesn’t make sense, but after I mansplain it to you it will become totally clear.

But that’s for another column.

Thanks a lot, little lady. You’re probably tired and should go lie down now.

Manny The Mansplainer.

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