Following Your Bliss – Terrible Idea, According to Scientists

Scientists today announced the results of a multi year study.  The results – following your bliss is a recipe for disaster.

“Most people who follow their bliss end up homeless, abandoned, and alone,” said Cynthia Cahill-Smythe, PhD at West State University, Auburn.  “We find that it’s much better to follow something that annoys you and that you find tedious.  There’s usually a paycheck at the end of that road.  For instance, doing multi-year pseudo-scientific studies for a major university, honestly, it’s pretty boring.  But I stuck with it and look where I am today!”

Another bad piece of advice, according to the team at West State, is to “be here now,” or to “be in the moment.”

“This is impossible,” explained Cahill-Smythe. “As soon as you try to be in the moment, it is passed.  So it’s best to be there now, not here.  By there, I mean, in the future, focused on your goal.  That way, you will be at least moving forward, instead of treading water in a psychological maelstrom called the present moment.”

As an illustration, Dr. Cahill-Smythe showed a video of students hooked up to brain monitors.  When told by the experimenters to try to “be here now, in the present moment,” the rage centers of the brain lit up like a firestorm.

“The brain knows when it’s been given an impossible task,” said Cahill-Smythe, “And it really doesn’t appreciate it.”

As an alternative, Dr. Cahill-Smythe trains subjects to avoid the present moment.  “Try to distract yourself and daydream a lot.  That’s what I do at work.  That’s what I’m doing right now, in fact.  I’m sorry, what did you ask me?”

Finally, the worst of all advice, according to the team, was the oft-repeated chestnut, “Just Be Yourself.”

“Oh that’s a recipe for disaster,” said the doctor.  “It’s better to wear a mask and conform to an identity that you feel no organic connection to.  That way, when your boyfriend breaks up with you, the pain will be much less.  In fact you won’t really feel it.  I mean, I felt it, but not much.  It’s not like a cried for a week.  A day maybe.”

At press time, Dr. Cahill-Smythe was seen sitting at her desk, looking off into the distance, pondering her next research project:  Love, Is It Really All You Need?