Fortuitous Missed Connections #12

You were the f-boy at the club hoping to hook up with some hottie to rail. I was the overly attached female at the bar sipping chardonnay through a straw.  I didn’t look up and catch your eye when you came up to order your pretentious cocktail.   I totally didn’t see you and I guess you didn’t see me.  Thank f-ing god.  What a hot mess that could have been.

You were the hottie at the bar sipping chardonnay through a straw.  I came up to the bar to order my Sazerac but I was too drunk already to notice you.  Later that night I hooked up with this other girl and it was a pretty good rail.  She texted me a few times but I never got back to her.  I’ve been really busy.

You were the f-boy at the club who hooked up with that other girl and never returned her texts after that.  Even when she made the voice call and left the message you didn’t respond.  What kind of a dick are you?

I told you, I been really busy.  I might call her back.  She left a pretty nice message actually.  And I had fun with her that night.  We did all the positions it was kind of like a porno.

You are so fricking gross.  Like a porno!  Was it a bad porno – is that why you didn’t answer her texts?

No, it was pretty good porno.

Then why didn’t you call her?

I’m an f-boy remember.  What do you want from me?  I have never even met you.  In fact, I’ve never even seen you or your chardonnay straw.  I have no idea what you look like.  I’ve never spoken to you, I don’t know what you sound like.  I’ve never texted you.  I don’t know your email address.  I’ve never had any contact whatsoever with you.  This is what it means to have a real missed connection.

I know, right?  Those other missed connections are actually connections.  People connected.  They made eye contact usually.  We never connected at all.

Yeah, I get it.  Are you still mad?

Hell no, I’m glad I missed connecting with you.  It would have been terrible.  If we had met and we had had sex and if you hadn’t responded to my fifteen texts I would have sent the next day I would have freaked because I really liked you and I thought you like me.

I’m sure I would have liked you, but…

No, I wouldn’t have given you the chance to really like me because I would have been all up in your face like me like me like me!  Nobody likes that.

No.

Do you like me, btw?

Yeah, you’re funny.  I’ve never railed a funny chic.  Now I’m really bummed we missed each other.

Me too.  I like your openness.  For a F-boy you are really surprisingly easy to communicate with.

Missed connections…:(