Free Stuff!
It’s the Funny Free Stuff Section – please feel free to contribute one below! (Thanks Terence Edwards)
Free LA Country Thomas Guide Street Atlas (LA County)
I just found out about this thing called Google maps, so awesome!
Free fish tank and supplies (Hesperia)
He looked at me funny, what can I say. I showed him who’s boss.
Free typewriter (New York Avenue)
Great American novel not included.
Free sank (West LA)
It was a sink. Time passed.
Free sweet cat (Silver Lake)
Can deliver frozen or thawed. Serve with rice.
Free trampoline (Fountain)
Daughter now accomplished mouth painter, won’t be needing.
Free upright piano (Echo Park)
And one shady one.
Free firewood (Bitter Road)
In the shape of my lousy neighbor’s house. Go ahead, burn in it down.
Free crutches (Garden Lane)
For example, checking your phone, twirling your hair, believing in God.
Free crib and mattress (1 First Street, NE)
Thank you Roe v. Wade!
Free! The Best Things (In Life)
I had no more use for them, so I put them in front of my house. The best things in life. They are about what you would expect. Wholesome, honorable things. Still working, I think. And free of charge. And to be quite honest, they were hardly used. It seems I spent my time on the not-free, second and third best things in life. And some of the worst things. That were anything but free. They cost me a lot, if I’m honest.
(Just got a text. Apparently, there’s nothing in front of my house. Nothing at all. Either somebody already took them or people are just unable to see them, not sure which, probably the former)
Free Lunch (Skid Row)
Make / manufacturer: Horatio Alger
Still kidding. No such thing. Pull yourself up.
Free Bootstraps (Skid Row)
Condition: Really Hungry
Make / manufacturer: Buster Brown
Can be supposedly used to lift oneself up and out of the muck. Warrantee has lapsed. No guarantee that they still work. Slight odor of muck still detectable.
Free Dirt (Beverly Hills)
I have a lot so take as much as you want.
Great for Yentas or busybodies.
Great to use as gossip or for blackmail.
Also, some dirt dirt. Good for planting trees, shrubs, flowers or vegetables. Bring your own trucks, real and imagined.
CURB ALERT! Free casket (Hollywood)
Condition: Like New
Make / manufacturer: PermaRest
I bought this and ended up not using it. Was cremated yesterday. If this ad is up, it’s still there, it’s still available, and I’m still dead.
Free Ride (Beaumont, Texas)
The mountain is high, the valley is low. Available all Winter. See what I did there?
Free OJ (Bundy Boulevard)
Freshly squeezed and released.
