Hey Atheists, God Here. AMA

DIAGORAS: Um…you really exist?

GOD: Yes. Didn’t you look at the photo for verification. The one with me sitting on the cloud with a piece of paper saying the date and r/atheism?

VOLTAIRE How do we know you’re not just some guy with a fake beard posed on a green-screened CGI cloud?

GOD: Well, I guess you just have to trust me.

MATT TURNER: You mean have faith?

GOD: Well, those are your words, not mine.

PASCAL: I wager that he’s real. Who wants to bet?

BERTIE RUSSEL: Well, let’s just accept that he is who he says he is. He has a lot to answer for. For instance, God, why do you let bad things happen to good people? Natural disasters. Children dying. Etcetera?

GOD: I have a sick sense of humor. My bad.

HEIDEGGER: Why did you make the universe, when you could just have easily not made the universe?

GOD: I was bored.

DANTE: Is there a heaven and hell and a purgatory in between?

GOD: No. But after you die your soul is sent to a meat processing plant where it will be packaged, purchased, taken home, cooked and eaten by hideous celestial monsters who like the taste of human spirit.

MR ROGERS: That’s horrible. Why did you make us? What’s the point of all this?

GOD: I didn’t have a real purpose in mind. I was just being creative. Playing around, you know. Trying to find my voice.

PERCY SHELLEY: So you’re an artist, really? And this whole thing, creation, is like an infinitely large art installation which is displayed in some kind of cosmic museum somewhere?

GOD: OK.

BILL MAHER: But for what purpose? Are there other observers who can appreciate this creation of yours?

GOD: Oh sure. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, The Easter Bunny. A bunch of imaginary people come into the museum all the time to check out my work. It’s really hard to get a ticket actually.

FYODOR D: This is starting to sound fishy. Why did you come here to this sub, really, God? Do you have a bone to pick with atheism?

GOD: No. I respect you guys. Don’t forget, I made you. When I conceived of the universe, I thought this was a real stroke of brilliance, in fact, to invent a bunch of people who don’t even believe in their inventor. Who think they somehow just spontaneously appeared. In other words, they believe in magic. Do you guys believe in magic?

KMARX: No. We believe in science.

GOD: So science created you?

FYODOR D: I don’t know. Not science, per se. But nature.

GOD: What is nature?

BILL NYE: It’s just…everything.

GOD: Yeah, that sounds like magic.

R DAWKINS: If you’re God, prove it.

GOD: OK. Since I am God, I am omniscient, so I know exactly what the next thing somebody is going to post here is going to be. C Hitchens is going to post the following sentence. “That doesn’t prove anything.”

C. HITCHENS: That doesn’t prove anything.

GOD: See! Happy now?

POL POT: Can you repeat that? Maybe you just got lucky. What’s the next thing somebody’s going to post.

GOD: Well, some lurker is going to post, “This was amusing at first, but now this thread is getting ridiculous.”

LURKER: This was amusing at first, but now this thread is getting ridiculous.

POPE: Almighty God!

GOD: Oh gees, Francis, don’t tell me you frequent the atheist sub!

POPE: Sorry, Father. But I’m progressive, you know that.

GOD: I don’t know, Frank. That last thing you said about gay priests sounded a bit retro.

POPE: I’m a little bit country, I’m a little bit rock and roll.

GOD: Alright guys, I gotta go. This has been fun. Keep it up. You guys are awesome. Doubting Thomases. So much doubt. Awesome.

MONITOR: Wow. That was intense. I guess we’ll have to rename this sub. From now on, you can find us at Reddit/r/FormerAtheist.

NIETZSCHE: I’m staying here. I don’t’ care if God exists. I’m still an atheist.

NIETZSCHE: Guys?

NIETZSCHE: Anybody here…?