How Post-Colonial Are You? Take Our Quiz
1. You have a cleaning lady because:
a. You hate cleaning b. you are too busy to clean c) people from developing countries are better at cleaning d) that’s an offensive term – please use something that sounds more innocuous so we can all feel better about ourselves
2. You tidy up before the cleaning lady comes over because:
a. You like to help out b. you don’t want her to think you’re a pig c. you’re still a bit uncomfortable with the idea of a cleaning lady d. you have some peasant blood in your family line somewhere
3. You have a nanny because:
a. You hate your children b. you are too busy to care for them c. people from developing countries are good with babies d) you remember your own wet nurse so fondly
4. You have a gardener, actually two gardeners and, they come every week with blowers to blow blow blow because:
a. You hate cutting the lawn b. you don’t have a blower c. people from developing countries are such good gardeners d) the enormous grounds, the pond, the deer park.
5. You hire a handyman because:
a. You are not handy b. you are lazy c . people from developing countries are so handy d. the west wing was built in the 13th century.
6. You send your kids to private school because:
a. You love them b. people from developing countries c. public schools are horrible and awful d. after your governess left you hired Lord Byron to teach them Greek but then he died in the war
7. Your Uber driver is:
a. An immigrant who doesn’t speak English well b. a hard-working person who makes half the minimum wage c. a bad driver d. trying to start a conversation, god damn him
8. You use the valet because:
a. You hate parking structures b. you are in a hurry c. people from developing countries are good parkers d. Am I referring to the man who parks your car or the man who helps you dress for dinner?
9. The poor:
a. Are sad and upsetting b. don’t live in your neighborhood c. are leeches d. should eat cake
10. When you went on vacation to that third world country you:
a. Loved the all-inclusive resort b. got drunk on mai tais and threw up in the pool c. were stunned at the poverty and misery of the locals d. considered buying it
11. You have a security system and pay for a monitoring service because:
a. Crime has increased b. bad hombres c. your wife has a lot of jewelry d. the meek are going to inherit the earth so they don’t need your stuff
12. You have two Rottweilers because:
a. They are so affectionate b. people from developing countries c. all your wife’s jewelry got stolen d. the Germans have some good ideas
SCORING: You are not a tiny bit post-colonial because colonialism will not end until the late 21st century when the current masters will be replaced by robot overlords.
