How to make the best of your vacation in Lilliput

Another Adventure from the Twisted Trip Advisor

Of course, everyone‘s read that the people are tiny there. But be prepared, that was bullshit. They’re the same height as you.

“I was disappointed,” said British traveler Maisie Crumblebottom. “I wanted to see teeny tiny people. Like people so tiny you could step on em. I mean, I wouldn’t want to hurt em. Maybe pick em up in my hand and play with em like dolls. But I haven’t met any people like that. I mean it’s alright. The ocean’s nice. But the people are normal size.”

That’s a common complaint, according to the head of the Lilliputian Tourist Board, Lilly P.

“There are lots of teeny tiny people still in Lilliuput,” she said. “But they are very shy and you might not see any. But trust me, they are there, watching you.”

“Oh that’s rubbish,” said Crumblebottom. “The guides all said that. It’s kind of like a Tooth Fairy, Santa Claus thing. Everybody’s got to believe in the leprechauns. I don’t buy it.”

Others, however, claim to have met and spent time with very small Lilliputians, a la Gulliver’s Travels.

“I took a selfie with one,” said Scottish tourist Myrna Moffett. “See.”

She held up her phone. I looked at her selfie. I didn’t see any Lilluputians.

“That’s because you’ve got to believe,” she said, and her eyes looked kind of glazed over. I think she might have been drunk. We were, after all, in Lilliput’s most popular Pub, the Teeny Tiny Tavern. They serve teeny tiny drinks and they make a fortune off the tourists who pay regular price for a thimble full of ale. Myrna must have spent a fortune to get drunk on that.

So basically it’s like traveling anywhere else, a bunch of hype that the place doesn’t really live up to. But you might get laid if you go to the right pub.

I’m not saying I got laid.

“Oh, he got laid,” called the Scottish woman from the bedroom. We were back at the hotel now. Yeah, it’s pretty good being a travel writer. Even if most places suck, you travel from place to place, meeting all kinds of interesting people.

“He got laid alright,” said the English woman, from the bedroom. They were in there together. That’s interesting. I wonder what happened.

“And he weren’t no giant, we can tell you that much,” called one of them, I’m not even sure which.

All right, that’s enough out of them.

And that’s the story of my Lilliputian vacation. I have to say, it could have been worse.

“Get in here, Gulliver! Let’s have another go-round.”