Magic Painting Wanted in Order to Keep Myself Young

Magic Painting Wanted in Order to Keep Myself Young


Searching for artist who will paint my portrait and endow it with magical qualities so that after I lock it up in my attic I will cease to age.

Instead, I would like my face in this painting to age with the years as they pass while I stay young and beautiful.

Additionally, I would like all the horrible things I do to be reflected in the painting, rather than in my own visage.

As the years mount and my hedonistic, heartbreaking ways continue, I would like the painting of me to become thoroughly hideous.

But instead of stabbing the painting and becoming suddenly very old and dying, I will just continue living my life as a happy, carefree young man.

I mean, why would I stab the one thing that was keeping me young? Makes no sense. What do I care if there’s a hideous old painting in my attic? It won’t bother me in the slightest.

So anyhow, if you can paint me that kind of a portrait, please contact me right away as I’m certainly not getting any younger.

BTW, will the magic still work even if I’ve already had a face lift, botox, and a hair transplant?

Man, turning fifty really sucks.

Oh yeah, and my balls have sunk down to my knees. Will a magic portrait help that?

I’m guessing it would have to be a nude, am I right?

(Dedicated to DW)

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