Major League Baseball Seeing More Strikeouts than Hits
My suggestions for fixing:
- Underhand pitching. That’s I taught my son to hit, and how my father taught me. It’s an American tradition. And look how those softball underhanders whip it in. I know, it kind of looks stupid. Probably bad idea.
- Wiffleballs. The wiffleball is so light, it doesn’t matter how strong the pitcher is, it will only go so far. Problem is, the homerun fence would have to be brought in to about five yards past second base. There’s no way even a stud like Aaron Judge could hit a wiffleball 400 feet. The outfielders are going to be very cramped in this five yard outfield space. Maybe they become infielders too. The positions would look like this: third baseman, left third baseman, short-stop, center left short-stop, second baseman, right second baseman, then first baseman. Make sense? Oh, and this solves the great “shift” debate. Who needs to shift when you have infielders every few feet?
- Move the mound back. If you put that sucker back to second base, one thing is for certain, there will be a lot more walks, but that’s boring too. So if you do this you have to widen the strike zone. Anything anywhere near homeplate is a strike. Disadvantage: fat managers will have to walk further to go to the mound to make pitching changes.
- Superballs. Do they have those still? I had a superball that would bounce about a million miles high on the driveway. Make a baseball sized superball. Let’s see Max Scherzer strike out anyone with that. Aaron Judge could probably hit it to Jersey even with his fractured wrist.
- Remember cork bats? I just invested in cork futures, I have a feeling the league is going to be a lot more lenient on this particular issue.
- Juice. Let em juice. Go on. I loved Mark McGuire. That was baseball’s golden age far as I’m concerned. The only guys we test for steroids are the pitchers – don’t want them throwing any faster than they already do, damn baseball ruiners.
- Keep swinging, guys. That’s what I do. If I strike out with 99 women and get a hit with one – that’s fun times for me. Just kidding. In all seriousness, the simple solution is to add another swing to the atbat. Strike Four, You’re Out! Has a nice ring to it, eh?
- Switch the national pastime. Soccer is awesome. No wait, it’s usually nil nil. Alright, how about video games. Oh, sorry, we already did that, didn’t we. Sorry baseball, and all other sports, to be honest. You’re just about a Fortnite too slow and boring for today’s youth.
