Media Disappointed in Both Its Children

Media Disappointed in Both Its Children

“boy and girl having pillow fight” by Allen Taylor on Unsplash


“But he started it,” whined the one Child.

“No, I didn’t,” claimed the other.  “You did!”

“I don’t care who started it,” said the Media, trying to concentrate on the road.  “Why is it that every time we get in the car you two can’t keep your hands off each other?”

“It’s not fair,” said the one child.  “I didn’t do anything!”

“Did too!” whined the other.

“Please!” yelled the Media.  “I don’t care who started it.  If you can’t stop fighting, maybe I’ll just turn the car around and we’ll all go home.”

That put the fear of God into the kids.

“We’re sorry Mom,” said the one child.

“We’ll be good,” said the other.

But the Media knew that these two kids couldn’t help it.  In a few blocks they’d be back at each other’s throats. 

Why couldn’t they be more like the Media’s favorite child, the conjoined twins, Hurricane and Forest Fire, who were sitting so quietly in the front seat?  They never fought with each other. 

Or what about the Media’s other good child, Murder Victim, who was lying in silence in the trunk of the car?  That one never disappointed its mother.  That one always brought in the big ratings.  Especially when a little bit of race was involved.

“I’m equally disappointed in both of you,” scolded the Media, to the fighting children as she drove on.  “Honestly, if you keep this up, I’m going to start driving to the bank by myself.”

“No, Mom,” the Republican child and the Democrat child screamed.  “We promise.  We’ll never fight with one another again!”

But sure enough, as they rounded the corner, the Democrat pulled the Republican child’s hair and the Republican spat on the Democrat.

The Mother smiled to herself.   Meanwhile, the media’s unwanted and abandoned child, the one named Real Issues, was left at home alone, without food, chained to a bedpost.  Starving to death.

And as the Republican and the Democrat scratched each other’s eyes out, Mother Media laughed all the way to the bank.

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