Mushroom Farmers Angry at Stormy Daniels

Thanks, Stormy, say the nation’s mushroom growers, who have faced an 80 percent decline in business since Stormy Daniels announced in her memoir that Donald Trump’s penis was shaped “like a weird mushroom.”

“Nobody wants to even look at them any more,” said Mushroom Association president, James F. Button.  “The very sight of mushrooms makes people want to throw up.?

A traumatized consumer at a diner in Fresno complained that her mushroom omelet was full of the President’s weird mushroom shaped schlong, cut into little bits.

“I can’t eat this,” she said, sending it back and demanding a western omelet instead.

Magic mushrooms, too, have lost their flavor.  Aging hippie Desmond Purple said he was switching over to peyote buttons for next year’s Burning Man.

“I’ve never had a bad trip on mushrooms,” said Purple.  “But nobody wants to even think about Donald Trump when they’re tripping.  Let alone his penis.  I’m not taking any chances.”

Stormy Daniels says she can’t be held responsible for anything.

“I don’t care and neither does my lawyer.”

In Trump country, however, the reaction was opposite. 

“I’m proud that his dong is mushroom shaped,” said Marjorie Magalips.  “It reminds me of the mushroom cloud that is going to blow up over the Nancy Pelosi when he nukes the shit out of her.”

Some people, of course, never liked mushrooms.

“I’m not surprised that his dick is shaped like a mushroom,” said finicky eater Louise Carrol.  “I don’t like tomatoes either, so I bet his balls are tomato red.”

When asked to comment about his balls, Stormy Daniels said, “Buy the book, give me some money, and go fuck yourself.”

 

 

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