My Second Phone Call with Elon Musk

MUSK:  This is Elon.

ME:  Hi, it’s Simon Black calling again.

MUSK:  Who?  Sorry.

ME:  I saw you’re going through a tough time in the news.  I’m sorry buddy.

MUSK:  Oh, don’t’ pay any attention to that bullshit.  It’s fake news.  Trump is right about that.  I’m not on drugs.  It’s bullshit.

ME:  I know.  Maybe this Canadian singer your dating, though, is she a good influence on you.  I mean, she seems kinda goth, kinda dark, and you’ve always been, I thought, really a force of the light.  Not the darkness.

MUSK:  I’m both.  I’ve got a dark side mate, trust me.

ME:  Everybody does.

MUSK:  I think I remember you.  You were in the hyperloop contest.

ME:  No.  That must be a different Simon.  There so many Simons in the Commonwealth sphere.  I’m British, by birth, you know.  But I recently became American.  I agree with your view – America is a place where you can make things happen.

MUSK:  True.

ME:  So listen Elon, you’ve got nothing to worry about.  Funding secured.

MUSK:  I get it.  You’re taking the piss.  Who are you, a prank caller?

ME:  No.  I’m the editor of Down in the dDngle.  It’s a funny satire blog. I hear you like satire.  Aren’t you starting your own satire blog?

MUSK:  I am indeed.

ME:  Funding secured?

MUSK: You used that one already.  I remember you now.  You’re the one who invited me over to dinner.

ME:  Yes.  The invitation is still open. Will you come?

MUSK:  Are you fucking kidding me.  I thought you said you read about me in the news.  I don’t sleep for three fucking days straight.  I’m jazzed on Ambien. How the hell could I make time to come to your fucking house for dinner?

ME:  You could drive your little submarine.  I live near the water.

MUSK:  Fuck off.

ME:  So that’s a no?

(Dial tone)

(Click here if you missed my first conversation with Elon Musk)