New Amazon In-home Delivery Service Now Delivers Vibrators Straight to Your Underwear Drawer.

Amazon is introducing several new in home delivery services that work with five different smart lock brands to allow access to Amazon delivery men.

For users of the sex toy delivery service, the delivery man will place the device in any part of the home or body specified by the customer.

Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos commented that “We want to deliver the package in just the way you want the package delivered.”

Amazon prime customers can have fruits, vegetables and even whip cream delivered directly inside, or placed lightly outside, on the rim of the entry point.

“Our acquisition of Whole Foods was mainly inspired by the 80s erotic masterpiece, 9 and ½ Weeks,” admitted Bezos.

In a service for men, Amazon is experimenting with in-home female delivery robots who turn into a pizza after you are done with them.

“Right now it’s a rather limited selection,” said Bezos.  “We have cheese, pepperoni, blonde and brunette.  But in the future we plan on expanding to redhead and pineapple.”

In another “moonshot” company experiment, Amazon delivery drones are being developed to circle over attractive neighbors’ backyards to spy on them sun bathing.

“Who doesn’t like spying on a neighbor from a few hundred feet up?” asked Bezos.  “Also, I am going to launch myself deep into outer space and meet with God.”