Sanders: God Wanted Trump to Become President because God is Extremely Conservative

 

Well, there’s not really much more to the story. Press Secretary Sanders explained yesterday why God wanted Trump to be president.

“God is extremely conservative,” explained Sanders.  “He hates, hates, hates, liberals, and any ideology that opposes selfishness.”

And yet, the Dingle interviewer pointed out, isn’t there a lot of stuff in the Bible against selfishness?

“No,” countered Sanders.  “The Bible says when the oxygen masks come down you should put yours on first so you can breathe, and then help others.

The Bible says that?  I didn’t realize there were oxygen masks in the Biblical world.

“And God hates the Clintons,” said Sanders.  “Actually, he kind of likes Bill.  But to be quite honest with you, God thinks Hillary is a b***h.”

God used that word?

“Yes, and a lot of other really bad words,” she claimed.  “When you ask God about the Democrats he starts swearing like a sailor.”

Secretary Sanders, when asked how she knows what God’s opinion about anything is, answered, “Because, I’m a mystic.”

At press time some men in white coats were seen heading into the White House with a butterfly net.