Some More Trigger Warnings for Sensitive New Zealand Teens

New Zealand is putting a suicide warning on A Star is Born which gives away its ending but might protect a lot of nervous kiwi kids. Here’s a few more they need to add, just in case some NZ youth get triggered and start bawling and so on.

Anna Karenina — Jumping in front of a train warning, also, being a Russian slut warning

Hamlet — Getting stabbed to death with poison sword warning, also, might be too difficult for you warning, possibly make you feel stupid, especially if you are.

Bambi — Mom getting shot warning. So unnecessary. Getting triggered just thinking about it. Sorry, this list tastes salty now. Those are my tears.

Psycho — He’s his own mom warning. Also, warning, shower scene in which you actually don’t see a single boob. Damn.

Beauty and the Beast — I think there’s something gay in it, not sure. You’ve been warned.

Sixth Sense — Bruce Willis is dead warning — you’re seeing a dead person. Because you see dead people. You’re weird I guess.

The Fault is in Our Stars — Someone definitely dies, I haven’t even seen it and it made me cry.

Memento — Backwards warning. The whole thing is backwards. Like this sdrawkcab. Isn’t that upsetting? (that’s the word backwards spelled backwards. Kind of like this movie. Very triggering).

Hamilton — Musicals are really bad in general, but this is the worst. Nobody commits suicide but I felt like doing it about halfway through, as I remembered how much money I paid for the tickets. Warning. Really sucks.

A Star is Born — I know you’ve already been warned about the suicide, but also be careful about the deep voice that Bradley Cooper adopts as he pretends to be a tough redneck. It’s extremely painful to listen to. In fact, bring ear plugs just to be safe.

Finally:

Any Comic Book Super Hero Movie — Warning. The whole genre is over. They make you extremely depressed about your fellow man, who all seem to enjoy the heck outa these dumb things. You can go to one, but bring a book to read or something because it’s a total waste of your precious time.