Stephen Hawking Astounded at Pearly Gates

“Color me surprised,” said the genius physicist at the golden gates of heaven today as St. Peter approached him with a clipboard.

“Yes, Professor Hawking,” said Peter.  ”You were wrong about almost everything.”

“Black holes?”

“Black holes are the least of your worries,” chuckled St. Peter, glancing at the clipboard.  “In this file here we have seven thousand recordings of you saying there is no God, God doesn’t exist, you’ve have to be stupid to believe that, etcetera, etcetera.”

“God does exist?”

“Yes, and he’ll be here in a minute.  He wants a brief word with you before…well, before we say our farewells.”

“Farewells?”

“Come on, Professor, you’re a smart fellow.  You know how this is going to play out.  I mean, you know where you’re heading, and it’s certainly not through those gates.””

“Oh dear,” said the physicist, appearing genuinely humbled. “Big egg on my face.  I did not see this coming.”

At press time Hawking was rushing to rework some of the quantum math of his equations to take into account the presence of an enormous bearded deity on a throne of clouds.