The Dingle to Acquire The Onion

 

Down in the Dingle Media LLC has decided to buy the onion, not from Great Hill Partners, the Private Equity Firm that bought the satirical website the Onion from Gawker Media, along with Gizmodo and other publications, but from the neighborhood grocer, for the price of $1 per pound. And since this onion weighs about one pound, the price therefore will probably be somewhere around one dollar. We won’t know until we take it up to the cashier and have it weighed.

But in the mean time, it must be pointed out that the Dingle is funnier and more intellectual and more varied than The Onion. The Dingle is not just fake news. It is also fake poetry and fake fiction and fake think pieces and fake essays and all kinds of fakery. In addition to that, the Dingle has resisted the urge to produce unfunny videos — or videos of any kind, while The Onion unfortunately has produced many videos — not one of them the remotest bit funny. We’re sticking with the writing and we’re going to let other people make the not funny videos.

So nice talking to you, we’re going up to the register with the onion. Good day.