This Person Wants to Connect with Me on Linkedin!

This must be my lucky day!

Isn’t it just wonderful?  A world of people connecting with one another so that a founder of a tech company can move up higher on the billionaire list–right now he’s only number 635.   Yay for Reid Hoffman, the founder of Linkedin!  And congratulations on sending me another email with yet another person who wants to connect with me on Linkedin.

The only thing is, I don’t want to connect with anyone at all on Linkedin.  I don’t have a Linkedin profile.  I don’t have a resume on Linkedin.  So I wonder why this person wants to connect with me.  And I wonder why I even receive emails from Linkedin.  Did I unsuspectingly opt in somewhere along the line?  Darn it.

I think you should know, I have nothing at all in common with this person who wants to connect with me.  I am an orthotics technician.  That means I am skilled at making inserts for shoes, and pouring casts for broken limbs, that sort of thing.  The person who wants to connect with me, according to their resume, is a systems analyst for banks.  So why on earth should we be “linked in?”  Sorry, I just don’t see the point.  Yes, it is possible that he will need an insert in his shoe one day.  And indeed, I do use a bank.  But that’s about as far as it goes.  I’m not going to work at a bank.  And he’s not going to work at my orthotics company.  It’s just never going to happen.

Alright.  Maybe I’m overreacting.  I might be willing to have lunch with him.  I don’t actually know how to use Linkedin.  So could you maybe just inform him that I am willing to give it a try?  I don’t want to be a Mr. Negative all the time.  I’m open to whatever.  Maybe we have some literary interests or some hobbies in common.  

He lives in Turkmenistan.  I don’t even know where that is.  But it sounds far away.  So if we are going to have lunch, maybe Mr. Linkedin, can you let him use your private jet so he can come to my city for the lunch?  

I have certain dietary restrictions I think he should be aware of.  I don’t eat meat, dairy or gluten.  And in fact there are no restaurants in my city that serve anything I can eat.  So I usually just bring my own lunch – some peanut butter and celery.  And a bottle of water.

But I am really looking forward to lunching with this person after you fly them to my city from Turkmenistan.

Thanks Linkedin.  You really are helping bring people together.  I get it now.  Sorry about that, I was having a bit of a grump, but now I see the point.  It’s really kind of exciting.  The global village and all.

I can’t wait to meet my new friend!