Warning, do not eat raw cookie dough.

Warning, do not eat raw cookie dough.


I repeat. Do not eat raw cookie dough,

It could kill you.


I repeat.


Do not put your finger in whip cream.

Do not drink from the bottle.

Do not kiss your dog.

Do not have your dog in bed with you.

Do not use your sister in law’s HBO password.

Do not improve your lie in golf.

Do not call the ball out in tennis if it was in.

Do not let your eye roam while with your SO.

Do not give bad drivers the finger.

Do not bring home supplies from the office supply cabinet.

Do not eat other people’s food in the office fridge.

Do not leave work early.

Do not call in sick if you aren’t.

Do not deduct a trip that wasn’t a business trip.

Do not make a rolling stop at an empty 4 way intersection.

Do not spend more money than you make.

Don’t drink too much.

Don’t spend too much time on your phone.

Don’t sit.


Do you hear me?

Stand up!

Most of the time.

Sitting is dangerous.

Do not be unhealthy.

Do not waste your life

Do not fail.

But do not resent your friends’ victories.

Do not rejoice at other people’s misfortune.

Do not blame the poor.

Do not blame the mentally ill.

Do not blame the unlucky.

Do not blame.

Do not take things for granted.

Do not be ungrateful and careless.

Especially this holiday season.

Do not be selfish.

Do not be proud.

Do not be glib.

Do not be overly pleased about anything.


This is the most important one.



Do not hold yourself to overly high standards of perfection.


Ah what the hell…

Go ahead…eat the raw cookie dough.

Don’t tell anyone.

It will be our secret.

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