Has Howard Shultz’s Presidential Run Been Decaffeinated?

 

The strong backlash to the former Starbucks CEO’s announcement of an independent bid for president has led me to question whether his campaign might be fresh roasted before it begins.

It’s definitely got a drizzle of something and it’s not caramel, if you know what I mean.

On the one hand, he has a latte balls to run for the nation’s highest office with absolutely no political experience. Then again, the nation’s highest office is currently occupied by a tall foamy crap frap with a vanilla bias.

My friendly barista at Starbucks said he actually met Schultz once at a corporate event.

“Donald Trump definitely needs an extra whip,” the barista told me. “And Shultz is a skinny sugar free half and half of venti nothing if he ruins the Dems chances.”

I asked him what he thought about Alexandria Ocasio Cortez for President?

“Hell yeah,” my friend responded enthusiastically. “I mean, that’s my favorite — an extra hot caramel machiatto upside down for about 4 pumps and an extra shot with cream.”

Still, I’m not sure that Shultz realizes what a coarse grind a presidential campaign can be. But with so many potential democrat presidential runs percolating, it’s not surprising that Shultz has opted for varietal distinction as an independent, even if he is a slow drip and a flat white.