How Safe is Paraguay?

How Safe is Paraguay?

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Answered by: Anonymous Pro! Gramm! Er! who, er, knows nothing about Paraguay, January 16, 2019

Hi there. Thanks for upvoting my Quora answer. I’ve made it to the top of quite a few Quora threads with my refreshingly honest outlook on things.

How safe is Paraguay? Here’s my answer:

How about growing a pair (if you’re a man), or getting some girl power (if you’re a female)? Go to Paraguay already! Stop being such a pussy!

Really, going on Quora and asking how safe a place is smacks of colonialism. And white privilege. And racism. And all kinds of bad shit. But most importantly, the question itself is easily answered by anyone even slightly versed in the threadery of the web.

I know, because I have been around Quora threads for a long time. I’ve read thousands of them. Alright, I’ll admit it, I work for Quora. And I’m a little burnt out. Here is the thing. When you work for Quora and you look at thousands of these dumb threads you realize there is only answer to every question. Here is the universal Quora answer.

It depends.

We at the company call this the “adult diaper” answer. (Depends, get it?) So any question about any place is properly answered with, well, it depends on where you go, but it could be really great or it could really suck, it just depends…

Yeah, that’s not only unhelpful, it’s extremely worrying to someone like me to realize that my company’s entire business model is based on a false assumption — that there are any answers to anything!

What if people wake up one day and realize there is no ontology in epistemology? (sorry, philosophy major, computer minor 🙁 )

What that means in everyday language is that knowledge about a place has nothing to do with being in a place. Ne’er the twain shall meet, I’m afraid. You can read every single Quora answer in this thread and learn everything there is to know about Paraguay, but you’ll still be quite surprised when you get there. When you step outside the airport it will hit you — oh this is Paraguay! I get it now! But no, you don’t get it, because now you’re ontologically being there and completely outside the abstract realm of knowledge about a place. All you can possibly “know” about Paraguay even if you’ve been there all your life is that it “depends” on where you go and what you do, in other words, your experience of being there, your positionality.

So why do people go on Quora and ask anything if the only answer to any question is such a non-answer?

We’re all looking for answers, people. Here in my cubicle — even I am searching. The company is talking about switching to a common workplace model, and we’ll all be sitting at one table. But right now we’re in cubicles, old school. Lonely.

Searching for meaning.

Go ahead, ask Quora what the meaning of life is. And the answer will be — you guessed it — the adult diaper answer! It depends on something or other. Or something else. It all depends.

Oh shit, here comes Dan, my supervisor. Gotta close this screen and pretend to be programming some really cool schemaless mysql.

Have fun in Paraguay. Bon voyage!

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