My Thoughts on Game of Thrones Season 8

By Theon Greyjoy’s Penis

 

Alright, first of all, keep in mind, I’m a penis. So what does a dick like me know about anything? But just in case you want to hear about it from someone who’s been on the inside (of Theon’s pants at least), then here goes.

I think the show misses Ramsey.

He was so awesomely evil and delightful. Whom can we say that about now? The Night King? Heck no, that poor guy has some kind of circulatory disorder, those veins popping out of his head. I feel sorry for him. He doesn’t scare me.

The dead don’t scare me.

You know who scares me. The living. Ramsey, in particular. He makes me tremble.

And this last episode was all hugs and kisses, everybody hugging and kissing each other and nobody hacking off anybody’s penis. I mean, the show has gone downhill. Let’s face it.

And now…spoiler alert. I want to answer a question a lot of fans have been asking me. Will I be reunited with Theon?

No.

I mean, what are they going to do, stitch me back on him? But where have I been this whole time, in refrigeration? It’s true, it’s cold up there in the North, but if Ramsey chucked me into some ditch, I’d probably be pretty ugly by now.

Ask yourself, do you really think Theon needs an ugly sausage like me any more? Seems like he’s got Joe Jonas’s ex-girlfriend Sansa putting his hands all over him and she knows he’s dickless. She doesn’t care.

And you shouldn’t either.

Just forget about me and enjoy the rest of the season. Especially the part where Ramsey comes back from the dead and goes looking for more willies to hack off. That’s gonna be terrifying — but awesome.