Reclusive Millionaire Warns:  “I Might Have Sharted.”

Something very strange is going on in the financial system.  Very strange indeed.  Especially after that burrito lunch.  According to the Financial Times, Mexican food can indeed lead to an increase in wet flatulence.  But financial planners have often ignored these warnings.

Reclusive millionaire Gus Watkins is here to tell you – don’t!

Watkins, who predicted the 2011 “touching cloth” episode on Wall Street, has another urgent warning for investors.  This time it might already be too late.  It appears that he might have actually sharted in the Uber.

As soon as he bit into the burrito, only 45 minutes ago, the astute analyst observed, “I expect a bubble.  A massive gas bubble.  Get out of underwear futures now.  This is going to be a calamity.”

But nobody listened.

Over the next few minutes, there was a panic.  But not the kind of panic that investors expected.   They all knew the bubble had to burst eventually, and that there would be massive farting at the table.  But only Watkins was astute enough to predict the moist accompaniment.

“This was a very fluid fluctuation,” said the genius.  “I could sense an underlying instability in the fundamentals.”

Upon returning to the office, Watkins received an email from Uber, notifying him that he had been charged a $200 cleaning fee by the driver, for “an unpleasant mess on the seat.”

Well, at least he’s a billionaire.  Maybe next time people will listen to him when he says a shart is coming. 

Oh, he’s also predicting a stock market crash, you can read about it here.